• Question: How can a girl controls her feelings?

    Asked by 587bmay27 to Peter, Jonathan, Grace, Doris, David, Ann on 3 Jun 2019.
    • Photo: Grace Kago

      Grace Kago answered on 3 Jun 2019:


      Being in control of one’s emotions is a key skill as one nears adulthood! congratulations towards trying to master this very difficult skill! 🙂

      Some tips I can imagine on how to control feelings:

      1. acknowledge whatever emotions that you are feeling. If you are scared, happy, frustrated, in love, whatever. acknowledge those feelings.
      2. avoid acting on emotions immediately. If one makes rash emotional decisions, one can become easy to manipulate and that’s not good!
      3. seek advice from trusted ones when making hard decisions. While everyone experiences life differently, we have many common overlapping experiences and so seeking advice from trusted people is a wise way to make a decision
      4. If you are religious, praying is helpful to ensure that you are acting in honor to your God, and also for wisdom on how to navigate a difficult situation.
      5. With negative emotions, it is important to acknowledge them, but not allow them to cripple you: seek out help to fix the problem, learn how replace negative thoughts with positive ones, etc. also, Learn what makes you upset/what triggers you to become upset/nervous/defensive etc.
      6. When you’re about to make a big decision that has lots of emotions involved, think about your values, what sort of life you want to live/cultivate while here on earth, and how you plan to achieve it. This will help you to be intentional about how you make decisions, building relationships, and do your life.

      I hope all these make sense! please let me know if something is unclear!

    • Photo: David Kirongo

      David Kirongo answered on 3 Jun 2019:


      Emotions are powerful. Your mood determines how you interact with people, how you deal with challenges, and how you spend your time.
      Gaining control over your emotions will help you become mentally stronger. Fortunately, anyone can become better at regulating their emotions. Just like any other skill, managing your emotions requires practice and dedication.
      Some tips;
      1. Label your emotions
      Before you can change how you feel, you need to acknowledge what you’re experiencing, are you nervous, do you feel disappointed or are you sad. Keep in mind that anger sometimes masks emotions that feel vulnerable–like shame or embarrassment. So pay close attention to what’s really going on inside of you. Put a name your emotions. Keep in mind you might feel a whole bunch of emotions all at once like anxious, frustrated, and impatient. Labeling how you feel can take a lot of the sting out of the emotion. It can also help you take careful note of how those feelings are likely to affect your decisions.
      2. Always be in control of your thought pattern
      Your emotions affect the way you perceive events. If you’re feeling anxious and you are called by your teacher saying she wants to see you right away, you might assume you’re in trouble. If however, you’re feeling happy when you get that same call, your first thought might be that you’re going to be promoted or congratulated on a job well done.
      Consider the emotional filter you’re looking at the world through. Sometimes, the easiest way to gain a different perspective is to take a step back and ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend who had this problem?” Answering that question will take some of the emotion out of the equation so you can think more rationally. If you find yourself dwelling on negative things, you may need to change the channel in your brain. A quick physical activity, like going for a walk or cleaning off your desk, can help you stop ruminating.
      3. Keep Practicing Your Emotional Regulation Skills
      Managing your emotions is tough at times. And there will likely be a specific emotion–like anger–that sometimes gets the best of you.
      But the more time and attention you spend on regulating your emotions, the mentally stronger you’ll become. You’ll gain confidence in your ability to handle discomfort while also knowing that you can make healthy choices that shift your mood.

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